Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Random Thoughts on My Life and Times

My mind is wandering over so many things.  I haven't been able to focus on what I want to write about. Usually I pick a topic I'm passionate about at the moment and go from there. So be prepared for me to change horses in mind stream.

The Economy:  Friends of mine both in the US and Canada seem to be really hurting for income. Some of them are very well qualified in their fields and yet can't get adequate employment. They are either unemployed or underemployed. I feel so helpless to help them. My own income is nothing to brag about. I don't even know how I'm surviving.

Family Matters: I just found out my boyfriend's dad had a pacemaker put in and is going to need a year to recover. I'm still in shock at this. It makes me feel old and fragile, like it's only a matter of time until I'm in the same boat.

My Career: Life does seem to be passing me by. Most of my income from the past came from things I don't even do anymore. It's not that I planned to give them up. They just seemed to slip away from me. As I get older and fatter it's harder and harder to sell myself. I don't have the looks or the confidence I once did. Since I sold my truck to the junkyard a few months ago, I feel more like a burden than a self-employed person. I haven't been able to save any money towards getting a new one either.

My Living Arrangement: I'm not happy living here. It was supposed to be temporary but now I feel like I'm stuck here either until things get worse, or until I die. I can't remember feeling so hopeless. Every time I even suggest moving, I get slapped down. I can no longer even visualize upward mobility.

I know people want me to be 'happy happy joy joy' all the time. But sometimes I feel it's better to just be honest and say it is what it is. It can be even more depressing to pretend everything is just fine. It's not fine and hasn't been fine for a very long time. It reminds me of that saying about most people living their lives in quiet desperation.

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